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I’ve been to many a casino in my time. And none have yet to spark the joy and camaraderie as the House of Virtue nestled in the warm desert bosom of Goblet. As you step through the doors, you immediately feel more a part of the family rather than a paying patron.
How can one feel that quickly accepted? Most of the time, there’s a warm greeting - often by the owner of the establishment, Mayberry! Tell her your name once and it’s seared to her memory. Not once has she forgotten mine. And it isn’t very memorable. And that goes for all the staff I’ve met. Not to mention there may be the sly palming exchange of delicious cookies and night milk. And after a few visits to the House, welcoming bows and pleasant waves may even evolve into friendly hugs. I’m telling you: part of the family. I walk in, head downstairs to the bar, and it’s incredible. The greeters, friendly barkeep, and dice dealers. Even a few patrons: a chorus of hellos and sometimes the odd shout of my name from across the bar. Like long-parted lovers or somethin’! There’s plenty of stylish decor, plush seating, numerous stools at the bar, seemingly endless gil, and even the infamous Kamikaze Challenge. Mayhaps I should explain the aforementioned Challenge. You pay some gil upfront; nay, I shan’t mention the price in case it changes in the future. But it involves you drinking eight very specific shots—one at a time. And in a particular order. It’s always a spectacle to behold. When I tried it, a small crowd gathered around; I daresay even dice stopped rolling after the barkeep’s booming announcement. Why? Why such a fuss over eight little glasses of alcohol? Well, if you can make it through all eight without losing the contents of your stomach or passing out or whatever ailments you may succumb to by drinking too much libation - IF you can make it through all eight and still stand, you’ll be made mention in the House of Virtue’s “Hall of Fame!” FAME!!! Glory! Bragging rights! I myself made it through seven. But that last one, I shall save you the surprise of discovering yourself, nay I did not have the constitution for it. But, mayhaps, dear Gambler, you do? Challenge your friends. And yourself. The pure taunt of fame and custom alcohol not your idea of a good time? There’s something for everyone. Dice with friends and strangers against the House, music, comedy nights, a full bar, monthly Death Dice Tournaments, bards and dancers entertaining, and a free public bathhouse. Be sure to bring your swimsuit…or not, if that’s your pleasure. And, aye, the staff even brings you drinks while you melt away in the steamy waters. But keep it civil, folks - it’s a public bathhouse! Swimsuit or not, you may find yourself outside the House’s doors if you cross Mayberry’s rules. But you know what you should leave at home? Your wee pets and stow your weapons - or the staff may come to talk to you personally. That being said, security keeps a keen eye on the place and I’ve yet to witness a brawl or altercation. So it’s a safe environment for even a Lalafell like myself to be drinkin’, flinging gil onto the table, and stumbling out into the night. Again, though, if too stumbly, you should expect - well, maybe not you - but I often receive copious amounts of cookies and milk thrust into my hands before departure: something to soak up my liquid courage. On several occasions, I’ve even randomly run into my own friends rolling their luck at one of Nooj or Sislen’s tables. It seems it’s a popular spot. So if you think I’m too biased, I’m not. It’s truly magnificent. Anyroad, if you’re looking for a great time out, fantastic drinks that are reasonably priced, staff that treats you like family, and feel the need to scratch an itch for luck’s sake: head to the House of Virtue! Tell ‘em Zim sent ya! Not feeling up to the Kamikaze Challenge? Order my favorite: the Sweet Heart. Gods, I need one just sitting here thinking about it. The Moon Drop is also the personal favorite of a good friend of mine. Mayhaps we’ll even bump into each other some night, testing the Fates at a table together. And, I swear on the graves of my parents, I wasn’t compensated to write this review! I just thought it’d be a nice thing to do for folks that have given (and, well, taken) so much. Ya win some, ya lose some. May as well do it at a place where you feel at home.
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